We have no time to stand and stare?
Did W.H.Davies have we, the Indians, in mind when he asked this question? Quite probable. When was the last time each one of us had a hearty laugh at the quirks and twists around us? Who was the last Indian to display the courage of laughing at himself? We all collectively seem to have lost that ability to laugh at the world, laugh at its vicissitudes and more important, laugh at ourselves. Why, we can't even laugh at cartoons any more, since it is taboo.
But statistics show that we Indians are one of the happiest people in the world. That is, if you expect any real connection between being humourous and being happy. The statistics may be true if the statisticians went by mere numbers. Any day, even if half of us Indians are happy, a five hundred million happy guys would far out number probably the rest of the world. Happy we are, may be, but humourous? not a chance! Proves the truism, there are lies, white lies and then statistics. A cow can be happy for hours chewing the cud but it has no idea what humour is. A sadist can be happy seeing others' misery but this happiness is far removed from the kind that humour begets. The clown in the circus is capable of humour, at least of the slapstick variety but I would wager that he is not happy. I personally have not seen a millionaire circus clown. We are capable of a vicious variety of happiness, one that feeds on the neighbour's pain. As a nation, we are game to a collective herd-happiness we acquire when we hold lighted candles and form a human chain to condemn assorted happenings ranging from Rape to Retail FDI.
And that is why we could not spot the humour in Shashi Tharoor's Cattle Class. In Tamil, we have this Nadaraja Service (referring to those who can't even afford a bus ride and prefer always to walk) and the Kaiyendi Bhavans (roadside eateries, a parody on the bigger 'brick and mortar' Bhavans, as restaurants are normally called). Having coined such gems, how can we take offence at Cattle Class? Cattle is normally herded together and transported. The transporter does not care much for the leg space and 360 degree reclining seats for the cargo he transports from point A to point B, which is usually by a truck. Not very dissimilar is economy class travel in Indian flights, especially if one opts to take the budget carriers. (The economy for these carriers stops with the frills, not the fares, but that is another point). Certainly any dim-wit can spot an uncanny similarity between an economy passenger and cattle and so how was Shashi wrong? Any other specimen other than the homosapiens, native to India, would just smile, if not laugh, and shrug off the remark. But what did we do? Made a hue and cry of nothing and for a very long time accused Sashi of the gravest sacrilege. Sashi was merely referring to the similarities that exist in the mode of transportation of two species - humans and bovines. He did not venture so far as to compare the two species' other bodily functions - one of which that emanates from the posterior raises a stink in the case of humans and not in the case of cattle. If anything, it's the cattle that should have protested!
Precisely why we could neither the spot the humour in our Lalu's allusion long back to Hema Malini ki gaal when he promised roads in Bihar with a smoothness and texture similar to Hema's cheeks. One should compliment Laluji for his (tongue-in) cheek remark and laud his exploits with similes and metaphors. The comparison is nothing less than what immortal poets like Kalidasa or Kamban conjured up in their hey days. Beautiful women are routinely compared to the moon, the stars, goddesses and what not. Does the moon or the star take offence? But if I remember right, our own dream girl Hema (by the way there is no history to show she disliked THIS particular adjective) was not quite pleased and came out with a disparaging comment or two. Poor Lalu, nobody understands his character (as Satyaraj, the villain of yore says, as a punch dialogue, in an old Tamil film) much less his sense of humour. Much of his humour was also, incidentally, witnessed while he was Rail Mantri. He made the railways' finance itself an object to laugh at. You have to give him credit for that!
And then comes to mind some recent quotes by important people - quotes, what were harmless from the quoter's point of view, venomous and banal from the public point of view, but simply humourous in my point of view. If not humorous, at least not harmful. The public simply gets swayed by the poignancy of the issue and the herd mentality ensures that it is fit and proper to see red and only red in even genteel, sarcastic, off-the-cuff remarks. The blinkered man's eyes recognise only one color, which is red. I know I will get pilloried for this but what the hell, I am no Vadra, so I might just be spared. Aam Aadmi, the most used and favourite word in Congress's lexicon became mango man, as it should in a literal translation and just to bring in another fruit into the context, he chose banana. All of which words collectively conspired to become Mango men, banana republic. And what hell broke loose! Does anybody seriously think that Vadra would have meant to call India a banana republic in a public forum? It is another matter that that is exactly what the majority of us admit to in private. Humour is what you should see folks here, not Homicide.
The most recent cause of outrage? Here it is - of women highly dented and painted! Let's admit, at the cost of repetition, the poignancy of the occasion blinded us. If not all, at least most of the protesters had their faces well painted to turn up for the picnic, masquerading as protests. Come on, we have seen it all, innumerable protests, candle-light vigils, human chains and I am Annas. Next to new year parties, protests have become the most fashionable pastime for the so called vigilante youth, specially for those hailing from big metros. So what's wrong if quite a few girls had their faces painted and turned up at the protest venues? Absolutely nothing. So what if some one lampoons their painted faces? Again absolutely nothing. And the reference to 'dented'? No comments, except the statistics (not lies this time) that Indian women are one of the highest spenders on 'personal care/beauty' products around the world, and denting and painting certainly come under this product category. Don't we men too nowadays 'dent and paint' our exteriors? Let's face it, whatever is dented has to be tinkered and whatever dull, has to be re-painted. We all do it and no big deal about this. Science says that human bodies, specially after age forty, need a little tinkering here, a little painting there. By the way, this 'dent/paint' comment was also dubbed as sexist - whatever that means! In the Indian context, I suppose, any comment made on a woman by a man is sexist while the reverse is just plain truth.
Guess what? We Indians take ourselves too seriously. Even if most of the rest of the world does not. Look at it objectively - no one is protesting against protests and the protesters but just as your right to protest in dented bodies and painted faces, if you prefer, exists, so does my right to unleash some friendly humour. Repeat, friendly, harmless humour. I do not belittle your cause of protest, to be sure. If you had really painted your face to turn up for the protest, you have no right to protest now; if you had not, you just would not bother to protest the comment because your focus is on something else, not on some worthless jolly banter by a fellow Indian.
Again guess what? What India needs is some George Bushs. Bush during his hey days, proferred some real top-class bloopers - Sample this:
"They misunderestimated me"
"Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people and neither do we (!!)" (or was Bush serious here? Perhaps he was referring to his economic policies and war-mongering ways)
He spawned a whole lot of bushisms, which are legendary. The Americans laughed at those, the whole world laughed at those and Bush himself laughed at those. He did not attempt to even try statements like "I was misquoted.." as all of our politicians are wont to. Theek hai? ( no, I am not referring to our dear old M. Singh)
After all, in Davies's words, a poor life this if, if full of care, we have no time to stand and stare? and occasionally present a gaffe in a humorous vein?
